It’s that time of year again, when people begin making plans for the new year to achieve the goals that will improve their lives. This kind of planning usually brings a feeling of optimism and being on top of the world. There’s a hope that 2011 will be the year that you change your life for the better. This is especially true for those who are recently divorced as the new year is an opportunity to put the failure of a broken marriage in the past. However, before you begin planning on how you are going to take over the world in 2011, here are a few pitfalls you will want to avoid.
Don’t Base Your Plan on What Others Think
Everyone is unique and, therefore, your goals and the plans you create to achieve them should be unique as well. However, one of the biggest mistakes people make when doing their 2011 planning is to emulate other people. The problem is that someone else’s idea of success may not be compatible with who you are or your lifestyle … especially for someone who is recently divorced. For example, one person’s idea of a healthy weight may not be suitable for your body type. And someone’s idea of how you should behave after splitting with your spouse may be radically different than what you think.
While it is a good idea to see what others are planning for 2011, it is important that you pick goals and make plans that align with your authentic self. Otherwise, you will end up sabotaging yourself or you may not be happy because you failed to reach your goals.
Not Giving Yourself Enough Room to Grow
Another mistake people frequently make when outlining new year’s resolution isn’t giving themselves enough room to achieve their goals. No one changes overnight. It takes time, conscious effort, and you will make mistakes. This is all a part of the learning process and you must give yourself the space you need to turn over a new leaf when doing your 2011 planning. Otherwise, you’ll end up burning out and feeling like a failure for not making it to the finish line. And the last thing you need is to have another failure following a divorce.
If you are like most people who have packed schedules, then it is best if you overestimate the amount of time it will take you to get things done when making plans for goal achievement. This will give you some breathing space to enjoy the process of change as well as to appreciate the unexpected opportunities that will spring up around you on your journey. Going through a divorce is a significant life change and by allowing yourself room to experience new things could result in a happier 2011.
Ignoring Your Heart
Lastly, your 2011 plans for achieving goals should be make from your heart rather than your mind. You can make all sorts of resolutions that make logical sense. However, if your heart is not in it then you are not likely to stick with your plans for 2011 for very long. You may want to lose weight because you know that it will make you healthier. If your heart is not ready to commit to a new diet, though, you will quickly slip back into your old eating habits.
Instead find changes you can get excited about. Instead of losing weight, focus on taking a fun dance class that will allow you to meet new people. You’ll be engaged in something you enjoy and the exercise will help you trim off the pounds. When you make new year plans that align with your life’s purpose or the things you love, you will increase your chances of successfully achieving your goals in 2011.
It’s normal for depression to set in after a divorce and setting unrealistic expectations for yourself may only make it worse. Set expectations that are reachable and will make you happy. The San Diego divorce attorneys at The Edmunds Law Firm have years of experience dealing with people following divorce, which is why we created this resource center. Be sure to check back often for more information on divorce and other topics from our San Diego family law attorneys.