Now that your divorce is final and you are single again, the big question you have to face is “are you ready to start dating”, once again? Dating after divorce is one of the most exciting experiences one can ever face, but it can also be daunting and downright scary if you are not ready for it yet. The San Diego divorce lawyers at The Edmunds Law Firm understand this and have put together some pointers on moving forward with your life.
You need to be very careful when it comes to dating, simply because your first marriage failed already and you are probably not emotionally ready to be hooked into another serious relationship once again. Divorce can be devastating, even if it was a very bad marriage; take the time to heal. Before jumping into something you need to be sure that you are ready for it and that you have dealt with all of the issues that usually linger after a divorce.
Starting over again can be such a hard task to accomplish, but just keep in mind that what you do from here on out is for YOU, and maybe for your children, but not for the spouse you have just become divorced from. Your own situation, emotional well-being and whether or not you have children and what ages they are will be a significant factor in deciding to begin dating again. Bear in mind that your children, regardless of their ages, are also hurting and need time to heal.
Before you push through with dating after divorce you should make sure that you have set limits and guidelines for yourself. You could decide to just take things very slow, regardless of who you meet, or you could make a conscious decision to look for certain qualities in people before you agree to date them. Some people go as far as making a list, on paper, so they can remind themselves of the qualities they most desire, and those they don’t. Checking that list regularly will keep your mind engaged when your heart and libido may be leading you astray. You could even decide to “play the field” for a set length of time before allowing yourself to become seriously involved with someone else. These are just some examples of limits and guidelines that you may want to set for yourself before dating after divorce.
Starting over is rarely easy and can definitely be more difficult if you have specific responsibilities, such as your own business or financial hardships to overcome or young children with which you may share custody with your ex. Even the ex, if remaining a part of your life, with or without children, can make dating difficult.
But, starting over is not impossible and is something that you should make every effort to do. It doesn’t necessarily have to include dating, but if it does, setting rules, limits and guidelines by which you can live will help to ensure that you don’t repeat the mistakes of the past. Divorce can be quite like experiencing a death in the family, for everyone involved. Take the time necessary to heal and to help your children to heal before leaping into the next big thing. Dating is not necessarily synonymous with a “committed” relationship. Though dating after divorce can be difficult and for some people who have been out of the dating ‘scene’ for a long time, next to impossible; it is doable and YOU are the one that is in control of the dating rules. Remember that first and foremost above everything else, and you are well on your way to starting over and having the life you want, even after divorce.
If you are going through a divorce the San Diego divorce attorneys at The Edmunds Law Firm are here to help. We provide valuable divorce resources that can help you through this extremely difficult time.