Making the decision to divorce is never easy, and can be one of the most emotionally exhausting and difficult times of one’s life. Divorce is rarely a spontaneous decision, and instead, often a delicate decision involving a period of soul searching and consideration. Making the decision to divorce is a life changing event, and is one of the biggest decisions to make. However in the process of divorce, the initial decision is the first of many to come.
Initially telling your spouse that you want a divorce can be an overwhelming
task that will certainly take some time to digest. Allow your spouse to
comprehend this news and give them space to let it sink in. Without allowing
for a period of acceptance, the divorce process can become even harder
and more heartbreaking than it already is.
Here are a few things to keep in mind while transitioning through the beginning stages of your divorce.
Many couples choose to seek counseling when the word “divorce” arises in their relationship, but just because you have already made up your mind about a divorce does not mean you should dismiss the idea of counseling. Counseling sessions may not save your marriage, but it may help a reluctant spouse accept the changes and move forward in a more positive way. Counseling is an excellent idea if there are children involved in a divorce. Knowing you will be interacting with your future ex for the rest of your/their life, counseling can be a good way to resolve petty problems, face the real issues and mutually decide how to move forward.
Keep Your Focus
In a divorce, it doesn’t take long to become completely and utterly drained both physically and emotionally. Keep a focus on your goal throughout the process in order to limit the amount of emotional confrontations that could throw you off track. The goal for every individual in a divorce is to get the best deal possible for themselves and their family, so don’t loose site of that when discussing issues with your spouse. Your attorney is there to work out the tedious details of a divorce settlement or trial, so let them help you, and help yourself by avoiding pointless arguments that cause nothing but stress. Consider how much you know about your spouse and use that to set common ground that could lead to a the most beneficial solution.
The beginning of the divorce procedure is the most fundamental time that will set the tone and behavior of your divorce case. This is the best opportunity to control the character and speed of the divorce, so be sure to pay extra attention to how you act and what you say. Now is not the time for insults, undercutting jabs, revenge or any sort of vengeance, as this situation is handled through attorneys and the court of law, involving a larger scope than just you and your soon to be ex. Remaining civil throughout the separation is the best way to conclude the divorce quickly, saving money and heartache.
In the beginning, assuming you are in no immediate danger either physical or financial, it is a good idea to take your time with divorce proceedings. Such an emotional issue takes an incredible amount of energy and time and to deal with, so allow your spouse to become adjusted to the idea of a divorce. The majority of couples who get divorced have grown apart over the years but still retain a sense of respect towards another. Although it may seem difficult at first, cooperating with your spouse and remaining rationally grounded to the situation can ease the entire process. Keep the lines of communication open with your spouse, acknowledge feelings, and move forward in a manner as rational as possible.
A divorce is a formative and potentially damaging time in your life, and a solid support system is necessary. You will need someone/something to lean on through this time so be sure to surround yourself with supportive, loving, positive people. We had previously mentioned considering counseling at the beginning stages of a divorce, but it would not be a bad idea to seriously consider seeing a counselor or psychologist on a regular basis to provide reliable support and expertise on dealing with new and changing emotional states. Another support system that needs to be in place is a relationship with a trusted attorney. Your divorce attorney will be representing you and arguing on your behalf, so it is desperately important that you select a lawyer who you can speak candidly to, someone you trust, and someone who has your best interest at heart.
If you are in the San Diego, California area and considering divorce, set up a free consultation with the divorce attorneys at The Edmunds Law Firm. We have over 30 years of experience in guiding individuals through the process of divorce, and earning favorable decisions on their behalf. Contact us at (800) 481-2526, or fill out the contact form on our website to get started.